Okay, I've been watching this whole idiotic Samuel Alito Senate Judiciary Committee Hearings on C-SPAN lately, and I must say, it is a small wonder that the large number of people who watched this fucking travesty haven't morphed into some sort of gelatinous creamy spunk-like substance looking very much like this:


Oh my fucking hell this shit was boring! It wasn't boring because law is boring, I actually find law pretty fascinating. It wasn't boring because politics are boring, if politics was boring than young, hipster doofuses wouldn't be drawn so much to it. It also wasn't boring because the process of selecting a Supreme Court Judge is boring. If that shit was boring, then we'd all be in trouble.

No, it was boring because it has been five fucking days of the following lovely banter...


Misc. Senator X: Could you please comment on topic A, based upon case B and/or document C that you wrote/dissented/judged/wanked in nineteen-blah-de-blah and why you did this with respect to issue D or stance E?


Samuel Alito: I cannot remember/I cannot comment/Insert bland phrase here.

Okay, now take that, and stretch it out for a small eternity. I literally saw generations of Cryptomonads be born, grow, die and evolve into giant flesh eating monsters only to become extinct due to excessive fatty foods intake in the puddle of spittle under my mouth as I sat slackjawed and unblinking at the shear, unadulterated tedium being broadcast on TV.

To give you some idea of how long this burlesque pasquinade went on, here are two pictures of Repiblican Arse-face Arlen Specter. The first was taken as the hearings began, the second was taken as they ended:

Before

After

And then... THEN... just when you thought it was over, Arse-face Specter began trotting in about a bazillion character witnesses. Since when does a Supreme Court nominee get character witnesses? Since when does character enter into the impartiality and necessary open mindedness that a Supreme Court judge needs?

There were hundreds of billions of these witnesses (there were even more witnesses than there are atoms in the known Universe), and they spoke for years and years at great length. I have no desire to fucking nuke my server by trying to store the images of all these dill-holes, so instead I will give you a nice amalgam of them all:

Dullest of the dull

You could fill a fucking Chatty Kathy doll with several dozen sound bites saying how great and dreamy Samuel Alito was, and then film the doll as someone incessantly pulled the string, and you'd get a more informative and useful view of the man's legal moxie than you did from this parade of bore-sacks. I often contemplated sticking my penis into the tail-pipe of a '57 Chevy just as it was about to backfire as opposed to sitting there listening to this masturbatory nonesense.

At the end of the fourth day, one of the senators (I think it was Biden, but I'll admit the malaise that I had by this point has clouded my recollection as to which talking head said what) commented that he felt they were getting such little information from these hearings that the hearings may have outlived their usefulness...

Gee... Ya think so?

Five days of fucking evasive language and hours of useless "character" testimonies for someone who will be helping decide the most important cases and laws for the rest of his life, and after we have gotten virtually nothing to help us know what kind of a person this chameleon-esque poser of a human being is you suspect that such a hearing may be useless?!!!

Pardon me a moment... my brain just exploded at the understatement of the millennia....