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Leo: He likes it rough...2005 Jul 30 (Sat), 23:31
I just read a little something over at Mad Penguin. It was just the sort of campy, cheesy, ball of shite that perks the nipples of every feel-good "Open-Source" user out there who likes the free beer, but doesn't understand the freedom part. It's also the same sort of self-serving, elitist tripe that makes my blood boil...

For those who haven't had the pleasure, allow me to introduce you to Leo Laporte. Leo is best known as the chipper bastard hosting G4TechTV's Call For Help. In case you were one of the lucky ones who hasn't had digital cable for the last 7 years, G4TechTV is the latest in a lineage of television channels dedicated to technology and computer stuffs that has had about as much success in pulling a profit as it had in keeping its name longer than a few months.

Well, Leo, has been in the tech reporting industry for a long fucking time. He's made a bunch of inane books on inane topics with inane titles using such stupid words as "almanac" and "Laporte". He's also, for those who don't know, Apple's Bitch:

Yes, that's right, slap some Aqua pasties on this twink's nipples and give him a vibe with only one button because this fruity son of a bitch gets all wet and creamy whenever anyone adds a fucking "i" in front of the name of their otherwise lame-ass product.

"B-B-B-But", I hear you start to stammer, "Leo didn't say anything bad about Open Source software in that interview... W-w-what's your beef? Can't you just leave poor Leo alone?"

Sit your ass down on the cluetrain, buttercup, because we're about to embark on enlightenment... Leo has been something of a Mac fiend for a long time now. He gushed over OS X and Aqua on "The Screensavers", he has openly damned UIs in Linux systems for a long time, and he has been caught on film jacking off to the Apple logo...

...okay, maybe I made that last one up...

However, Leo did say the following in his interview:
...I think there's a lot of hope for Linux, although I don't think that Linux is the answer. I think that UNIX is the answer, in some form or fashion. It might be BSD, it might be Linux, it might be some third thing. But UNIX is such a well understood and smart to handle the issues that an operating system has to handle that it ultimately will prevail.
Bra-fucking-vo, Sherlock! UNIX is the answer... yes, yes, bitch, UNIX is the answer. But not Linux... maybe BSD... maybe something else?

Maybe OS X, you self-serving prick. Is that the "read between the fucking lines" gist you're flinging at me?

"UNIX will prevail"... fuck me... What the hell is "UNIX", Leo? UNIX is dead, pal. It's been torn apart by a whole shitload of companies in legal disputes and buyings and sellings for years now. Hell, I wouldn't even say UNIX still existed when Novell sold some dead trees to SCO.

What we have today are Operating Systems that model themselves after some ideals in UNIX, but are by no-fucking-means UNIX. SCO UNIX isn't even UNIX, mother fucker!

Leo Laporte is just another one of the millions of idiots out there who doesn't quite "get it". Oh he claims he gets it, and he'll gladly stand in front of a butt-load of TV viewers and pretend he gets it... But he doesn't get it.

They throw out terms like "Open Source" and somehow think that this is equivalent to things like "Free Software". And then they sit there and demand drool-inducing eye-candy while at the same time allowing themselves to be spayed, neutered, and made into someone else's bitch.

You know what, bitch, computers aren't for you. They are for the real men. What you need, you little pansy, is a glorified electronic dildo.

See the older rants